Today I have been feeling contemplative. Its so hard to end a relationship. The constant mumblings of did i do the right thing or what if we where meant to be together go through my head. I am terrified that I have made a mistake. I don't think I did.....well only God knows. I feel so lonely to. When I see my friends who are couples doing lovey dovey stuff I think I want that. My self esteem is so fucked. Because all I can think is that no one will ever love me again the way that she loved me in the end. It was to late for me to get the feelings back. I had given her my heart.....all of it, completely vulnerable. She was not nice to it. I walked away feeling like a wounded puppy with my tail between my legs. Now trying to rebuild what I LET get striped from me seems like an impossible feet. I don't even know how to do it.
Sorry this is so depressing lately guys.
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2 comments:
First, do not ever apologize for your feelings! It is not necessary, especially with family! Second, I have been in those shoes. I felt like I ruined such a good relationship, felt like I ruined such a good person, felt like I ruined such a good future. In the end, I found out the truth, it was never meant to be! I was caught up in the past; thankfully, I have moved past that, it was a rough time in my life when I was still caught up in all that. That was when I got my DUI and was acting a fool all the time, as if the world did not matter and I could do anything I wanted. I did a lot of soul searching, many lonely nights, many dumb relationships, a lot of childish activities, a lot of jealousy, a lot of pain, a lot of regret! Now…I have not been this happy in literally ever! I found someone who wants me for me, not for who they want me to be. I found someone who brings out the best in me, someone who has no flaws, and someone I love for being herself. I was not looking for anyone, in fact, I was contemplating being by myself for the rest of my life, just living for Rori and me. Love can surprise you, come from the most unexpected places, and change your life. The right person in life can help your self-esteem in ways I cannot begin to explain in words. I love you Suni, I hope you get over this, I know the time after a long relationship, with many emotions involved, can be painful. Just know your family and friends are here, and I would do anything for you anytime you need without hesitating!
I agree with Mr Happy lol. People often trap themselves in the worse relationships, holding on to the few good moments/memories and using it to justify staying in a bad situation. They take all the mental/physical abuse because they rather hold on to love than start over and not have it at all. In reality, hurtful love is not worth it. If your in a relationship where love brings you down more than it makes you float than you need to let go. Even if that person is laying the smack down sexually and supporting you financially, there's more to giving someone your all. People get caught up in loneliness and make major exceptions where they should be cut throat. Then they end up still feeling lonely, hurt, loss, confused, and depressed. I used to always say, that I rather be alone than put up with the bs but then in the blink of an eye I was back in "love" dealing with the bs just to avoid being alone. I would miss my ex and not really have a firm reason as to why so I'd dig up some shit that happened randomly or in the beginning of that relationship and dwell on that till finally it bit me in the ass. I realized that I had forced myself to love this guy. I realized that the whole time I was reminiscing about this imaginary love, I was really reminiscing on what I saw as possibilities. I was more in love with the ex that I mentally built instead of the ex that abused me mentally and sometimes physically. I would like to tell you to sit back and list the reasons why your decision may have been a mistake and why it may have not been a mistake... the pluses and the negatives of that relationship and see which holds more weight. I didn't do it and I found happiness but had I sat back and actually thought about the situation logically and made decisions using more than my heart and my vagina to think, Thomas wouldn't have so much work reassuring me that I was still a human with value. Either way it all falls on you. People can give opinions but we all know that no one really has an answer. Don't beat yourself up over the things you can't control, worry about what you can. Be the best person you can be and know that you can only control you, not anyone or anything else. Things sometimes happen... you can take all the safety precautions you want when you're behind the wheel but if a semi-trailer wants to run you over then that's what's going to happen.
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