Little Brother

There where times when he and I got older when I would just look at him in admiration, because he was everything a young man should be. I often thought of him as my role model. His natural ability to just do what needed to be done and take responsiblity where most his age would not was something that I admire greatley. I look at him now and see that he is no longer the little man, he is not a grown man. And what a man he has grown to be. T I am so proud of you, for everything you do. Congratulations!!! I love you.

This feels neverending...............

Today I have been feeling contemplative. Its so hard to end a relationship. The constant mumblings of did i do the right thing or what if we where meant to be together go through my head. I am terrified that I have made a mistake. I don't think I did.....well only God knows. I feel so lonely to. When I see my friends who are couples doing lovey dovey stuff I think I want that. My self esteem is so fucked. Because all I can think is that no one will ever love me again the way that she loved me in the end. It was to late for me to get the feelings back. I had given her my heart.....all of it, completely vulnerable. She was not nice to it. I walked away feeling like a wounded puppy with my tail between my legs. Now trying to rebuild what I LET get striped from me seems like an impossible feet. I don't even know how to do it.
Sorry this is so depressing lately guys.

This is me today

Fighting depression I seem to go through my life on auto pilot. Trying to not bump to hard into others so that I can survive. My empty auto pilot mind is accustomed to do the work. I seem to just wander around in the emptiness I call a life. My hart slowly turns into a hard piece as I get hurt again and again. I never wanted to be one of those people, I think. But it seems inevitable as the pain in life seems to take over at times and I cannot put myself out there yet another time. My joy seems to have gone missing today....I'm not sure where it went. Wish I could find it.........

Blog

Blog......blog......blog. Hmmmm never done this before but am giving it a try since my brother asked me to (he doesn't ask for much). Right now I am listening to my son read a book to me called Oh the Places you'll go, by Dr Seuss. This does not seem at all to be a children's book. There are some important messages in there for adults as well. A little about me. I am a 27 year old single mom who works full time and goes to school part time. My life is hectic, stressful, and busy but oddly enough I seen to do well under this type of pressure. Its seems that as long as I have a goal to work towards I am OK. When my life gets stagnant then I feel crazy. Where as when I am crazy busy working towards a goal I almost feel normal. What is normal anyways. Well gotta go to work now.